For women, modern dating isn’t about slapping on some lipstick, looking pretty and waiting for Prince Charming to ask you for a dance. It’s time for girls to get proactive.
Pick up artists (PUAs) are a secret community of men, schooled in manipulative tactics to get women into bed. They were made famous (or infamous) by Neil Strauss’ autobiographical book, The Game: Undercover in the Secret Society of Pickup Artists.
These men aren’t just forward, they are armed with an arsenal of techniques.
Ladies, if a man makes you feel bad before asking you out, he’s just deployed a ‘NEG’. That negative comment aims to lower your self esteem just a little, so your heart soars when he offers to buy you a drink.
Here’s another one… Have you ever been taken back to his place to find every chair mysteriously occupied by clothes and books? That’s all part of the game too. If there’s nowhere else to sit, you’ll have no choice but to perch on his bed, right where he wants you.
There’s no gender restriction on who can buy Strauss’ book, so plenty of women have read up on the tactics, and some have even chosen to switch things around and use them on men.
Arden Leigh, the author of the book The New Rules of Attraction, joined a pick up artist group, befriended Mystery (of VH1’s The Pick Up Artist fame), and was eventually taken under the wing of Strauss himself.
Let’s assume that six or seven years ago, before The Game was written, there were zero women identifying themselves as PUAs. Now we have at least one (Leigh). That’s a rise of sorts, but not enough to get excited about.
The publicity surrounding male PUAs has not caused a similar movement among female daters. Instead it has empowered women in two ways:
– By making them aware of the tactics in play
– Inspiring women to be proactive
Many of the tips the PUA community swear by make a lot of sense.
You can’t go wrong when approaching your target with a confident but non-threatening manner. What are the alternatives anyway? Scuttling across the floor, head bowed, before asking permission to make eye contact? Or striding towards your intended victim with the look or an armed mugger?
After you’ve made that bold approach, don’t be too disheartened if all you receive is a scathing put down. PUA’s treat rejection as just another part of the game. That’s pretty useful advice for anyone on the dating scene.
If this all sounds too scary to apply to real life, you can ease yourself in gently by attending a shared interest dating event. Here you know you’ll have at least one thing in common with the other singles, and if you do get rejected, there’s a whole room full of people left for you to chat to.
Decades of dating advice books have encouraged women to remain passive in the dating process, wait for them man to chase you, then try not to scare him off by being too needy.
Women may be adopting the PUA mentality of knowing what you want, and going out there to get it, but that doesn’t mean they are turning into PUAs themselves.
Women don’t need to be classified as either weak and passive, or dominant game-players. There is a space in between, where they can be equal to men. It’s called being proactive, taking a chance, and getting involved.