You’ve sifted through the online dating profiles, plucked up the courage to write that all important first message, and praise be to Cupid himself, you’ve managed to score yourself a first date.
Avoid these topics and you’ll do just fine.
Bitching about your peers is not an attractive quality. Constantly putting other men or women down is a sure sign that have low self-esteem. If you are one of those people that can’t help but find fault in others, have a long hard look at yourself, before you step out on that first date.
This is a grey area. One or two hilarious anecdotes about previous dating fails will help lighten the mood, and show that you have some common ground.
On the other hand, constantly putting down people you have previously met through online or shared interest dating, is a bad idea because your date will be thinking at least one of these things:
– Maybe all these first date disasters are because you pick out losers, which is not good news for the loser sitting in front of you right now.
– How long it will be before you are retelling the story of this date.
– Those dates failed for a reason, and that reason is you.
We’ve all got baggage, history, and painful life experiences that helped shape us into the fabulous human beings we are today. There is a time and a place to share these stories, and it’s not on your first date. Spilling the beans of your unhappy childhood, or the death of a beloved puppy will sound like you are going for the sympathy vote and / or you have a problem with over-sharing.
Of course you’ll need to talk a little bit about yourself, but don’t treat a first date as your own personal therapy session. Aim to keep the conversation 50% about neutral topics, 30% about your date, and 20% about you.
If the first sentence of your anecdote includes the words ‘Facebook’ or ‘Twitter’, just don’t tell the anecdote. Stories about how you friends fell out over a dodgy Facebook status, or a hilarious tweet someone published three weeks ago, are difficult for your date to relate to, and aren’t that interesting anyway. Also avoid any date related social media activity either during, or immediately after the date.
Interests, hobbies, pastimes. These are all fine if the conversation remains pretty general about the subject, and you are both contributing to the discussion. Unless you are at a common interest dating event, being overly enthusiastic about one thing can sound obsessive.
Don’t say that your favourite TV show is Ice Road Truckers, before delivering a rendition of ‘Convoy’, while demonstrating how you track all 2,500 Eddie Stobart trucks with your Stobart Finder App, as that’s a bit creepy, and boring.
As with ‘dating fails’ this is a tricky area to negotiate. If you are telling a story about something unlucky that happened to you because you know it’s funny, then go ahead. But telling your date how unfair life is, and that the universe is stacked against you, is a big turn-off.
If you have a checklist of what the perfect mate needs, keep it to yourself. Similarly talking about what makes a marriage work is going to scare your date senseless. Just relax and enjoy each other’s company, without discussing what your life with 2.4 children and a dog will be like.
On your first date, do not mention anything at all about your ex. If your date asks you about previous relationships, be polite and answer in general terms, such as ‘we lived together for three years, and split in January’.
Whether you are boasting about your riches, or commiserating that you’re a financial loser, there is no way to talk about money and make yourself look good.
These topics are not permanently off-limits, and if your first date blossoms into a relationship, they will all come up in conversation eventually. You’ll be on safer ground, once you’ve got to know each other a little better.