This “dating” thing is tough going. If only someone had written a book on how to do it, or better still, ran some kind of workshop to train up all the dating newbies. Oh wait, there are literally hundreds of books, blogs and seminars dedicated to helping you find that perfect match. But does any of it actually work?
Being a pick-up artist is essentially being confident at applying evolutionary psychology principles to the world of dating.
The most famous of all pick-up trainers is Neil Strauss, author of The Game: Penetrating the Society of Pick-up Artists.
In the book Strauss sets out a game plan, and a set of tactics for men to use to lure women into bed.
Some of the tips are quite sensible:
‘Indicators of Interest’ are signs that she’s quite interested in you. For example, if she plays with her hair, or restarts a conversation if it falters. Strauss goes on to categorise these into levels on interest, with guidelines on how many indicators you should look out for. This may be taking it a little far, but the principle in general is sound.
‘Cat String Theory’ derives its name from the fact that cats enjoy a toy a lot more if its dangled on a string, within reach, but a challenge to trap. Women would rather do a little chasing than have you confess your undying love on a first date.
Others are a little more creepy:
The ‘neg’ involves acting a little disinterested in her, before dishing out a minor putdown. For example ‘nice shoes, I’ve just seen a girl in the lobby wearing a pair’.
‘Peacocking’ means to dress like you are already a super-famous scruffy rock star, which is why so many men adopt the Russell Brand look.
Inventing a time constraint, such as ‘I’ve got to get my friend a drink, but just wanted to say you look great in that dress’, then walk away.
For Strauss, yes, but he also made significant changes to his appearance, so it wasn’t all just about his new found charm. Strauss reinvented his image with teeth whitening, laser eye surgery, a serious exercise regime, a new haircut, a goatee, and even a few extra inches in height courtesy of built up shoes. His success was not all in the talking.
And there’s another important point to consider. Women can read books too. The woman you are trying to pick-up, may have read every last tactic in ‘The Game’, and be mentally skimming the chapters to make a prediction about what trick you’ll pull out next.
Even if she hasn’t read Strauss’ book, she’s most likely read at least one of the hundreds of dating advice books published over the last forty years, so while you’re playing one game, she’s playing another.
If you distil ‘The Game’ and the many pick-up training books like it, you can find some good advice.
1. Take pride in your appearance. Looking unkempt and dishevelled shows you don’t take care of yourself, so you’re not likely to take care of a girlfriend. But don’t go too far the other way, or you’ll look shallow and self-absorbed.
2. Brush up on your body language reading skills, so that you are better able to spot signs of mutual interest, but don’t force yourself to make unnatural gestures to get her attention.
3. Be confident and go for it. If you suffer from anxiety or confidence problems, get help for those, so that you can be your true self when on the dating scene.