Don’t let all your dating efforts land you a really good friend who has no romantic interest in you. Do your homework on the Friend Zone so you know what it is and how to avoid it.
You’ve entered the Friend Zone when the person you are physically attracted to, has a platonic relationship with you, and is not remotely interested in taking it any further.
You are not the person they date, you are the friend they talk to about dates. This is the situation that the hashtag ‘#epicfail’ was invented for.
It is especially risky if you’ve met on a free online dating site, where you’ve had plenty of time to chat without any physical contact. Let these online conversations go on for too long before you meet up and you will already be halfway on the journey to Friendsville.
If you want your date to find you attractive, you need to be attractive. If you don’t want to be labelled as a ‘friend’, then don’t behave like their bff (best friend forever).
– Do not make any unattractive noises. This includes, but is not limited to: burping, farting, whining, crying, moaning, and complaining.
– Do not leave it too long before you initiate physical contact. Don’t go in for a full snog within 30 seconds of meeting, but if you don’t so much as hold hands during the first date you are already firmly in the Zone.
– Make an effort to be attractive. Regardless of whether your first date is a romantic night-time picnic in the park, or an adventurous daytime hike, you should still make the effort to look and smell good.
– Do things that friends wouldn’t. Friends don’t make compliments about beautiful eyes or melodic laughs. Buddies don’t hold hands, or hold the door open.
– Don’t treat them like your counsellor and over-share every detail of your life. And don’t be their counsellor either, with too many questions and bits of advice.
– Avoid making friendly put-downs, or playing pranks.
– Make sure you’re being realistic with your profile searches. You are more likely to be relegated to friend status if there is a significant mismatch between the two of you in terms of attractiveness, social status, education or profession.
If you’ve already heard ‘I like you, just not like that’, or the dreaded ‘it’s nice to have a man / woman as a friend’, you might feel that it’s all over. Put your game-face back on, because there are ways to recover from Friend Zone relegation, and being friends can be a great place to start a relationship from.
Just because your prospective match treats you like a platonic friend, doesn’t mean they want it to stay that way. They might be waiting for you to make the first move. Maybe they are also worried you only want to be friends. Be bold, be brave, and make your intentions clear.
If you’ve been friends for a while, and got into the habit of getting together with a group of friends, you need to escape this set-up and arrange a one-to-one meeting. Having some time alone with you will show you in a different light.
Everyone wants what they can’t have. If you are there every time your new friend clicks their fingers, you can seem a little needy. If they don’t want to date you, don’t sit around waiting for them to change their mind. Get out there and date other people, and perhaps the prospect of you seeing someone else will awaken their inner green-eyed monster.