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Robert Palmer made it sound so cool when he sang about being ‘Addicted To Love’. Who doesn’t love the feelings of excitement and passion that run through the veins during the first few weeks of a relationship?
Enjoying the experience of dating is perfectly healthy and normal, but for some people the quest for the perfect partner can turn into an unpleasant addiction.
How can being addicted to love be a bad thing? We all know being addicted to alcohol is bad news, even though the majority of people are able to enjoy moderate consumption of alcohol, without experiencing cravings or a daily compulsion to drink. It is the addiction part of alcoholism that is the problem, not the alcohol itself. This is the case with love and relationship. Whilst enjoying a new relationship is perfectly healthy, for some people jumping from partner to partner is a tough habit to break. It is possible for dating and relationships to become an unhealthy addiction that interferes with the enjoyment of day to day life.
The main indicator that someone is a relationship addict, is that they are always in a relationship. They do not feel comfortable being alone, and as soon as one relationship ends (often by the other party) they grab themselves a new partner.
When they are with a new partner, they spend all their time with them, doing the things they enjoy, neglecting their own friends, and abandoning their own pursuits.
Someone who is addicted to one relationship, or a series of relationships, over time will begin to lose sight of who they are. Their favourite foods, venues, films, TV shows, music, activities, were all dependent on the person they were dating, and when that person is gone, there’s just empty space left. Instead of trying to build a life and identity for themselves, the relationship addict heads out to find someone new to depend on.
This addictive approach to dating leads to unhealthy relationships. Firstly, because the person is seeking a relationship to start immediately, their focus is not on finding a good match, but on hooking up with someone as soon as possible. The chances of the very next available person being a good candidate for a meaningful long term relationship are slim.
Secondly, the person is selecting a date because they are fearful of being alone. Fear is not a good basis for decisions, and often leads to bad choices. Relationship addicts are likely to attract other relationship addicts who are equally desperate to find love, or someone who enjoys adopting a controlling ‘saviour’ role.
Because relationship addicts are prone to making poor choices, they are destined for a series of short unsuccessful relationships. This in turn, lowers their self-esteem and deepens the addiction. This colourful dating history also damages the potential success of any future relationships as potential matches will be wary that either this person is flighty, and only enjoys short-term relationships, or is too insecure to spend any time single.
Relationship addicts need to break the cycle by implementing a dating amnesty for a specified period of time. The longer the addiction has been going on, the longer the dating break needs to be. By spending some quality time with friends and on their own, they can rediscover their own identity. Before finding a perfect partner, they need to understand their own likes and dislikes, goals and ambitions. And a solid relationship can only be built on the solid foundation of two happy people, with a healthy self-esteem, and a clear sense of their own identity.