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Most first dates will cover the same ground – family, work, likes and dislikes, pets, pastimes. This routine can get a little tiresome for both parties, and yet this information gathering stage is a necessary part of getting to know each other.
Happily for you, we’ve got some tips to help you cover old ground in a new way.
‘I’ve got a magic carpet outside, where would you like me to take you?’
Kick off a conversation about places you’ve both been to, and where you’d like to travel in the future, by planning a make-believe global magic carpet tour. This is much more fun than the standard back and forth questioning of ‘where have you been’, ‘where would you like to go to next’.
‘We are attempting to win the Guinness World Record for number of calories consumed in 24 hours, how should we start?’
This conversation lends itself really well to taking turns. Let your date plan breakfast, discuss the merits of their choices, then lunchtime is down to you. If you’ve only met up for a drink, chances are this conversation will leave you so ravenous you need to extend the date and go to a restaurant.
‘What did you want to be when you grew up?’
This opener will almost certainly lead to a response which covers where they are working now and what they hope to do in the future. You’ll gain some useful information, without uttering the painfully mundane question – ‘so what do you do for a living?’.
‘What is the one Christmas present you’ve never forgiven Santa for failing to bring?’
This gently opens the door to conversations that cover parents, siblings and childhood. Asking direct questions about family is risky and can result in heartbreaking stories of parental divorce or sibling estrangement. Gently hinting towards childhood leaves the conversation open for them to tell you as much or as little about their family as they are comfortable with.
‘You’re going on a trip round the London Eye, name the 24 celebrities you want in with you’.
Save yourself the agony of listing favourite books, films, TV shows and music by using this question to start a general entertainment and media based conversation.
There’s more to conversation than asking questions, so to help you out when your chat goes off-plan, take our advice and avoid these no-go topics.
This is a no brainer, but can be hard to avoid. Of course you won’t hit them with ‘so tell me a bit about your ex’, but they might naturally come up in conversation, for example if they travelled or worked together. If your date mentions their ex, gloss over it as if it were a slip of the tongue, and steer the conversation to safer ground. If they repeatedly bring up their ex, this is a warning sign that they are not ready to move on.
It can be tempting to get a few giggles by bad mouthing someone from work, or joking about a previous bad date. But when you do this you run a few risks:
– Your date might be quietly worrying when they will become the butt of your jokes
– They might know the person you are putting down
– You can come across as negative and unkind
You might think it’s funny, but your date might not see it that way and teasing can be seen as playing mind games, as gentle put downs are a technique champione by pickup artists.