4 Things Taylor Swift Has Taught Us About Dating
A quick look through their youthful interpretation of her songs has revealed a number of glaring errors that must be set right.
This is the grown-up version of 4 things Taylor Swift has taught us about love.
Lyric: “In your life you’ll do things greater than dating the boy on the football team. I didn’t know it at fifteen” – Fifteen
Does Not Mean: Dating a boy just because he is on the school football team shows spectacularly good romantic judgement, and when you are older you will go on to do even better things than this.
It Actually Means: When you are 15, 18, 21, probably for most of your life, you will be drawn to the wrong people for all the wrong reasons. You might date someone because it boosts your reputation, or set out to snare a man just to spite an ex-friend. When you have successfully pulled off this love match, at the time you think you are the actual bees knees. Alas, when you are all grown up you will look back and realise what you did was not all that clever.
Lyric: “Cause I knew you were trouble when you walked in.
So shame on me now…” – I Knew You Were Trouble
Does Not Mean: Listen to your instincts when you first meet someone.
It Actually Means: When you first meet someone who is bad news, they will have an irresistible twinkle in their eye. Your inner Jiminy Cricket will be screaming at you to walk away, but you’ll shut him up by reminding him that it’s rude to judge a book by its cover, and you really ought to get to know this person before writing them off as trouble. Soon enough you will be in a relationship with this rascal, and before long they will rip your heart in two. When they do, don’t go running to Taylor, or Jiminy, as you’ve only got yourself to blame. Avoid this cycle of passion and disappointment, by using a free online dating site and taking a more methodical approach to finding a partner.
Lyric: “I don’t know why but with you I’d dance in a storm in my best dress” – Fearless
Does Not Mean: Taylor is so in love and happy, she can dance around in the rain getting muddy and dirty and not worry about it.
It Actually Means: Taylor couldn’t care less how muddy, wet or dirty her hand-wash only best dress gets, because she doesn’t do her own laundry. In love, out of love, she’s care-free about her garments and the impact inclement weather may have upon them, as getting them clean is someone else’s responsibility.
Lyric: “Don’t be afraid to, Jump then fall” – Jump then Fall
Does Not Mean: Don’t be scared to take a chance.
It Actually Means: Taylor has failed to carry out an adequate health and safety risk assessment. “Jump then fall” is just terrible advice. You really should only be jumping if there is an absolute need, with no other suitable means to get up or down to where you need to be. But if you really must jump somewhere, perhaps because you are being chased from rooftop to rooftop by a hungry tiger, you should first carefully assess the likelihood of falling, and the extent of personal injury this fall could cause. If you think you’re going to fall, and hurt yourself, be afraid and don’t jump.
For further romantic advice and life coaching, step away from the Taylor Swift CD and invest in some therapy or self-help books, from an appropriately qualified expert.