(Image Source: Brian Clift)
Music has an important role to play in every stage of your break-up.
Whether you want to wail away your pain with a 1980s power ballad, or deliver an aggressive ‘good riddance’ in musical form, this collection of songs will make up your ultimate relationship break-up playlist.
If you thought sending a text message was a low way to end a relationship, beware the social media kiss-off.
If your partner has been posting Facebook status updates on their musical tastes which include the songs “Burn” by Usher, “Apologize” by Timbaland ft OneRepublic or worse still, “End Of The Road” by Boyz II Men, it might be time to take the hint. Be prepared to change your relationship status to single.
After the initial shock of a relationship break up has worn off, the next stage is to wail pitifully into your hairbrush, in an attempt to shriek out your pain.
Songs perfectly designed for this musical primal scream therapy include:
As part of your recovery process you will need to spend a minimum of three days lying on your sofa eating an unfeasible amount of sugar and fat in the form of crisps, ice cream and pizza. Occupy your time by sobbing over relationship based movies with heart-tugging soundtracks, such as Dirty Dancing, which includes “Big Girls Don’t Cry” by The 4 Seasons; The Bodyguard, featuring “I will Always Love You” by Whitney Houston; and the classic love-wins-through-after-heartache feel-good film, Bridget Jones’ Diary, with the unforgettable Celine Dion’s “All by Myself”.
It’s now time to enter the loathing phase of relationship breakdown, during which you will simultaneously despise both the idiot who has rejected you and yourself for falling for them in the first place.
Ideal music candidates to listen to at this time include songs that sound upbeat and bouncy but are actually riddled with rebukes and bitterness. “Love The Way You Lie” by Rihanna ft Eminem is perfect for demonstrating feelings of barely concealed disgust, while the more obvious “You’re So Vain” by Carly Simon will make your position abundantly clear.
By now, you are nowhere near ready to put the pain and suffering behind you, but feel that’s important you give the illusion of someone who is moving on. When you are genuinely ready to move on, you will do so without musical accompaniment. However before you can do that, you must first pass through this phase of loudly demonstrating how little you care by posting upbeat messages and photos of you having a great time as a singleton, onto your social media accounts. At this stage you should also announce joyfully that you have joined a free online dating site, get a radical new haircut, and book an extravagant holiday with your friends.
Classic examples of songs by people who are telling the world they have moved on, when clearly they haven’t include:
Whilst music can be helpful while getting over a harsh break-up, there are two songs you should avoid at all costs.
Never ever listen to “We Belong Together” by Mariah Carey, unless you want to find yourself outside their bedroom window, begging them to take you back at 3am.
And stay away from The Police’s “Every Breath You Take”, which could take you to some very dark places indeed.