(Image by Maria Morri)
Here we take a look at the sentences a girl might mutter to a date, and what this cypher really means.
Girl: Do I look OK? / How do I look?
Translation: I am feeling really insecure about what I decided to wear tonight, but now we are out there is nothing I can do to change it. Please say I look lovely and reassure me. However, if my knickers are visible through my legging, I have spinach in my teeth, or my hair is a mess you are in a no win situation. You can either point it out to me right now and my embarrassment will cause me to hate you. Or you can say nothing, and then when someone else points it out, or I eventually notice myself I will hate you for not telling me first.
Girl: I think I might be busy that night / I need to check my diary.
Translation: I am not busy but if I say ‘yes’ I will look too keen and it gives me absolutely no wriggle room if I change my mind and never want to see you again.
Girl: Am I overreacting / am I being unreasonable / maybe I shouldn’t have done that?
Translation: I know that I totally over reacted and now I am starting to feel really embarrassed about it. In fact during this whole date that is all I have thought about, and tomorrow I will probably call the person I wronged and make up with them. However, under no circumstances do I want you to side with the blameless victim. You really need to say something neutral and diffusing like ‘I am sure you did what was right at the time’, and even then, just the tone of your voice not being right may trigger my rage.
Girl: I am over him / I’m ready to move on / I’m glad we split up.
Translation: I miss him so much and I am not at all ready to be out on a date with someone else. I will keep reiterating these statements in the hope that some of this forced positivity will infiltrate my brain, and my heart will stop feeling like a small crushed strawberry being stamped on by a herd of elephants wearing army issue steel toe capped boots.
Girl: You look different to your profile picture / you’re not what I was expecting.
Translation: I am so disappointed, you have a lot of work to do now to win me over.
Girl: What other free dating sites are you on?
Translation: So I know not to register with those, or I need to know what other sites are out there so I can find someone. Either way its not good news for you.
Girl: I’m fine.
Translation: This completely depends on where you are in a relationship. With someone you have only just meant or haven’t known for long it means – “Theres a whole load of trouble going on, and I’m really not OK, but its too complicated, I don’t want to talk about it, if I talk about it I am worried you will think less of me”. In an established relationship, I’m fine means – “I am not fine and we need to talk about it, please show me love and affection so I know it is safe to open up to you”.
Second guessing what is really meant will drive you to distraction so the simplest thing to do is take everything on face value, and be your best authentic self. If that doesn’t work, then there was little future in the relationship anyway, and you will be better off continuing on your quest for love.