Dating in the mid-life years is a very different experience when compared to the care-free single days you enjoyed in your twenties. Older, wiser, shorter on time, but longer on scepticism, putting yourself out there can be a daunting prospect. If you are considering taking the plunge and entering the world of online dating, here are some dos and don’ts to follow.
You don’t need to tell everyone you know that you’ve set up an online dating account, but enlisting the support of a close friend may be useful. They can help you build your account profile, choose a good photograph, and be your sounding board as you sift through possible matches. They can also encourage you whenever you are finding dating difficult.
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New profiles enjoy a flood of interest in the first week or two from established site users excited to meet the latest recruit. This will be your best opportunity to get noticed by the existing user base on the dating site. Don’t squander this chance by cobbling together a profile with a shoddy photo, and lacklustre description, thinking that ‘good enough’ will do until you get more familiar with the site. Take the time to get a good quality photograph, and thoughtfully constructed profile, before going live with your account.
Take the time to consider what factors you will use to screen online dating profiles. Screening out undesirable candidates, for example because they live too far away, or have poor spelling, will enable you to concentrate on those people most likely to be a good match for you, making more efficient use your time.
As a new site member, your profile may receive an influx of views and messages in the first week. Sift through the profiles using the criteria you have established as being important to you, and prioritise contacting the best matches. Keep old messages, or make a list of those who contacted you, so that when you contact other site users in the future, you can acknowledge that they have contacted you in the past.
If chatting online to a complete stranger you know nothing about seems too daunting, consider joining a shared interest dating site. Each site is focused around a popular interest or personal value, for example, Christian sites, or sites for dog lovers. By joining one of these niche sites, you can be confident you have at least one thing in common with the other members.
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Your inner critic may be wanting to judge and find fault with other site members, questioning why they are still single and looking for love online. Turn your judgement to kind curiosity instead. You have each encountered a different journey to middle-age, and yet you all share the same single status. There is no one acceptable reason for being single, with a multitude of lesser desirable reasons for everyone else. Instead of judging the other site users, accept their stories, and you will become more accepting of your own situation.
The thought of being stood up, turned down or rejected is terrifying. Avoiding dating will shelter you from the risk of heartbreak, but it also prevents you from finding love, romance and joy. So get out there, go for it and take a chance.
