As hyped as you may feel, it is essential you keep your cool after your first date. So save the fist-pumping and air-guitar until you reach the privacy of your own home, and play it cool in the aftermath of your first liason.
Why Kill The Joy?
If you’re walking on sunshine after meeting someone new, it seems a little pessimistic to squash that joy and keep the good feelings in check. But there are lots of good reasons for keeping it real.
Firstly, if you leap about in a Tom Cruise declaration of love style, you are going to freak them out. They may not be at the leaping about stage just yet, so they’ll freak out at the imbalance. Or they may not understand why you think they are so wonderful. They may be scared about letting you down. They may not appreciate public displays of affection. So no leaping just yet.
Secondly, if you start daydreaming about the names of your future children, you are setting yourself up for a painful fall back to reality. Enjoy the after-glow of your first date, but don’t extrapolate that to indicate a lifetime of marital bliss.
So you know it’s important to keep a lid on it, now you need to learn how.
Stay Here And Now
Stay focused on the here and now. Don’t let your mind run off into the future. Every time you notice your brain getting ahead of itself, gently come back to here and now, and retrain your focus. In this way you will prevent yourself getting worked up over potential future romantic crises, and limit the unrealistic expectations you create for the relationship.
Appreciate They Are Human
This person you are falling head over heels with is a mere human just like you. They fart, belch, get grumpy and make snide remarks just like you do. When you are flooded with happy hormones from your first meeting, it’s easy to imagine this wonderful person is perfect in every way. Then the first time you notice them eat with their mouth open, or be rude to the shop staff, they will come crashing down in your estimations. This is hardly fair as you too are only human.
Notice Their Imperfections
You should accept their limitations and imperfections, but that doesn’t mean you should be blind to them. If you get carried away after your first date, you may not notice behaviours or character traits that will become a problem later on in the relationship. Don’t explain away faults or negative behaviours just because you are excited to spend more time with them.
Listen To Your Body Then Engage Your Brain
Notice how this person makes you feel inside your body, and be aware of how this affects your judgement. A rush of endorphins can convince you that one date has resulted in love at first sight. These hormones won’t rule your body forever. Listen to your brain to ensure that once your body has settled down, a lasting attraction remains.
Be Cool But Kind
Game playing, put-downs, and leaving your date hanging will end in tears, most likely yours. Follow up from the date within a couple of days to say you had a great time and would like to see them again. Refrain from messaging too much between dates as they may start to feel overwhelmed. If you met on a free online dating site you might want to kerb your activity on there so you aren’t seen as continuing your search for love.
It is important to play it cool but that doesn’t mean being unkind.