Establishing a rapport with someone from a free dating site via online messaging is made a whole lot easier by the time delay between receiving messages and replying, and the ability to edit what you are writing. Once you’ve graduated to real-life dates, you will need to impress in the flesh and in real time. This isn’t all about looks though. A man on a date is looking to connect with your personality and have a good time.
Help you fledgling relationship get off to a flying start by avoiding these top five dating disasters that put men off.
Difficulty deciding what you want for dinner? Can’t choose which cocktail to start with? We all have moments of indecision but excessive flakiness is a huge turn-off. Not only will your date be bored to tears while you make your mind up, he will also be seriously reconsidering the wisdom of hooking up with you. If you normally struggle ordering food and drink, research the venue beforehand so you can make a quick and confident selection on the date.
If you start talking about a problem, don’t be surprised if your date jumps in with a solution, then expects the conversation to move on. While you are interested in analysing your feelings around the issue, a man will typically be more focused on finding a quick fix. This can lead to conversational frustration as you either repeatedly dismiss his ideas, or come up with new problems to talk about.
By all means diet, just don’t talk about it. Comments like ‘I’d love the steak but I’d better stick to salad’ are not in the least bit attractive. Your date may think you are fishing for compliments, which is a huge turn-off, and /or he will think you are unable to let your hair down and enjoy yourself. If you really don’t want to gorge yourself on fatty food, that is fine, but make it a positive decision: ‘I like to eat light in the evening’ or ‘that person had the salad and it looks lovely’.
Men don’t like guesswork so don’t play games. If you are cold and would like to borrow his coat, just ask. If he’s munching on a yummy looking dessert, don’t drop hints about how delicious it looks, just ask to try some. If there is somewhere you would prefer to go for your date say so. It’s easy to get trapped into a thought pattern of ‘if he’s a great guy / really cares about me / is a considerate person he will…(insert what he is supposed to guess right here)’, but game playing will likely end in disappointment for you both. You have a mind, speak it, don’t expect him to read it.
You aren’t a fortune teller so quit acting like one. Enjoy the date you are on and take your eyes off next week / next year / next decade. If you approach the date you are on with one eye on the future, he will sense you are judging him, weighing him up and not fully enjoying the time you are spending together currently. Take the relationship one step at a time, fully appreciating what you have right now. Of course occasionally it is sensible to reflect on your longer term plans but this should not be a running theme to your conversations, nor should it be dominating your thought process.
Your date wants to spend time with someone displaying confidence, self-esteem and a sense of fun. Approach the occasion with gusto and without game-playing so you can both enjoy a good time together.