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(Image Source: louiscrusoe)
When you’re playing the dating game, the occasional bore-magedon is inevitable. Make the most of it, or learn to escape in style with these top tips for handling disaster dates.
Firstly, before you start thinking about deploying an exit strategy, consider the possibility that you are judging too harshly and too quickly. Maybe your date is nervous? Maybe your date has come straight from work, and it takes them a while to change mental gears? Not everyone can walk up to a complete stranger and dazzle them with wit in the first five minutes.
This is a clever technique that works whenever you are trapped with a conversation domineer. Instead of passively listening to the terminal bore drone on, making encouraging ‘uh-hum’ noises, interject with questions. Focus your questions on the aspects of life that really interest you. So if you’d like to know more about their family, but they are regaling you with a story about invoices and purchase orders, divert the conversation by asking: “does anyone else in your family work in finance?”
To be successful, you will need to lay off the alcohol. This technique requires skillful multitasking as you simultaneously listen to the relentless flow of words, while remaining focussed on where you want the conversation to go.
A date who does no talking at all can be even harder work than someone who never stops flapping their jaws. Before you take the lead role of conversationalist, consider the possibility that your date is looking at you, thinking: ‘wow, I’m stuck with a conversation domineer.’ Perhaps your date is more comfortable with silence than you are. Whenever there’s a pause in the conversation, resist the urge to jump straight in, leaving a large enough gap for the other person to step into.
If they really have nothing to say, you will need to tease the information out with some careful questions. If you met on a shared interest dating site, you could start with questions related to that activity.
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If you planned a date that relied heavily on conversation as the form of entertainment, for example, a coffee or dinner, and it’s not working out, consider moving the date to a new location. Go for a walk around the zoo or park, or take a bike ride. Relationships are based on shared experiences, not one-to-one chats across a table, so why not start building those shared experiences now.
Before you judge their choice of conversation topic as boring, open your heart and mind and really listen to them. By being curious, you can give the other person your full attention, which will encourage their confidence, enabling them to open up and reveal their true personality. If they sense your scorn, they most certainly will not be presenting their best selves.
A date should be fun, not an endurance exercise. If you are not enjoying yourself it may be time to implement your carefully planned exit maneuver. This tactic may involve a friend calling for help, a text message asking you to come home urgently, or an Oscar worthy feigning of illness or injury. Alternatively, you could be honest and explain you would like to leave. Keep your comments focused on yourself, and judgement free.
If you’re concerned you might be a dating bore, arrange your first date around a fun activity that allows little time for conversation. As your dates progress you can gradually increase the time spent talking to each other, which will become easier as you get more relaxed.