After hours searching profiles on free dating sites, and dozens of winks, poke, flirts and messages, it’s very exciting to be going on a first date. Here’s how to stay safe while getting to know someone knew.
Lots of dating sites recommend you exchange messages, and maybe chat on the phone before you meet up. But isn’t that all a bit 2005? Now is the time to try out Skype. You can speak to the person and see what they look like before you meet, so no catfish for you.
Your inner Private Investigator might be telling you to obtain a full name and address, and spend a couple of hours Googling and Facebook stalking your potential new love interest. These background checks can make you feel safer, but there are two reasons why they might not be such a good idea:
1. If you obtain a full name in order to run these checks, presumably you’ve given up your full name too, so your date-to-be will also be digging about in your online profiles.
2. What will you do with all the information you find out? Getting-to-know-you conversations will be a little awkward when you already know everything about them, but can’t fess up ‘yes, I read all about your new job on your Facebook timeline’.
Obviously the first date needs to be in a public place, but let’s get more specific. Choose a location that meets the following safety criteria:
– It is busy enough that there are people around to notice if you need assistance.
– It is not so busy that a request for assistance would go unheard.
– You can make your own way to the venue.
– If you wanted to leave part way through the date, you could quickly find safe transport to do so.
Some people like to arrange for a friend or two to also be at the meeting place. If you don’t want to go that far, you should at least make sure that a friend or family member knows where you are going, who you are with, and when you will be checking in with them.
Don’t accept a lift from your house or place of work, or a ride home later. It’s too early to be giving away details like that, and you shouldn’t be alone in a strangers car.
Similarly, don’t drive into the car park, and stop right next to your date, with your car registration begging to be taken down.
Dropping a hint (subtle or otherwise) to your waiter or bartender, to make them aware you are meeting someone new, means you’ve got one extra person watching your back.
Above everything else, trust your instincts. If something doesn’t feel right, or you feel uncomfortable, simply say you feel unwell and leave.
As tempted as you might be, to knockback a bottle of wine to ease your nerves, don’t. Staying sober is the best way to keep yourself safe on a first date, and will help you leave a good first impression.
And don’t leave your drink, or personal belongings unattended, especially your contacts-filled mobile phone.
The appearance of one or more of these red flags doesn’t mean you need to pack up and leave immediately, but you might want to seriously reconsider if you want to meet this person again if:
– They are demeaning or disrespectful towards anyone you come across during the date (like the waitress), or about anyone in real life. It should serve as a warning as to how they are likely to treat you in the future.
– There are inconsistencies in what they’ve told you in person, in messages and in their online profile.
– They avoid answering personal questions.
– You are giving away a lot more personal information than they are.
– They get too physical too quickly.
Be aware of your personal safety, but don’t let paranoia sabotage your first date. By preparing a safe location to meet, you will be able to relax and see where this new friendship takes you.