It’s good to be yourself, but in the early days of dating there are a few pitfalls to avoid if you don’t want to scare your new match away.
Watch out for these top ten dating mistakes.
One day the person sitting next to you might be your soulmate, but that day is not today. Avoid pouring your heart out about life’s ups and downs too soon. If you overshare your emotional baggage you are sending some unattractive signals:
– It can sound like you’re a negative thinker.
– You’ll sound emotionally needy, a scary prospect for a new date.
– If you are oversharing, you are most likely talking too much and dominating the conversation. Take a deep breath and do some listening instead.
So you’ve met someone lovely, and enjoyed a first date, and of course you want to share this happy news with your friends. Step away from the ‘share’ button. It’s fine to talk to a select few friends individually about your new relationship, but do not broadcast it on social media. If your new date is not yet as committed to the relationship as you are, these public displays of affection could make them feel uncomfortable or scare them off.
Your new beau is not perfect. Accept it now and get over it immediately. With so many potential matches to choose from when online dating, you can become too selective. If you are enjoying someone’s company, and you’d like to see them again, don’t rule them out because there’s a couple of criteria missing from your checklist.
Try to keep the conversation split evenly between the past, present and the future. Concentrating too much on where the relationship is going puts a lot of pressure on you both, and will suck the fun out of getting to know each other.
We’ve all got history, and everyone will bring a certain amount of baggage into a new relationship. Endlessly discussing what went wrong with previous partners will give the impression that you are not yet ready to move on.
Even if you want to take the physical side of your new relationship slowly, you do need to introduce some degree of intimacy. Any physical contact, even if it’s just holding hands, helps make your intention clear, and helps you avoid getting trapped in the Friend Zone.
If you met through a dating site, you need to be clear with each other what happens next. Are you keeping your profile active and messaging other people? Do you have other dates planned? Whatever decision you make is fine, but you need to be clear with each other or run the risk of one of you getting hurt.
This dating mistake is particularly relevant to online daters. If you have embellished or exaggerated on your online profile, you need to come clean about it before you meet up. It’s not realistic to pretend to be someone that you are not for any length of time, and the longer you leave it before confessing, the harder it will be.
However much you like your new date, don’t ignore obvious red flags that this relationship is a bad idea. Pay attention to how your date treats, and talks about, other people. If your date is rude or unkind to other people, there’s a good chance you will be on the receiving end of that unpleasant temper eventually. Also be wary of anyone who seems secretive about their life or if they seem to be hiding something.
Do you have a bad dating history? Be honest with yourself, is there a chance you might be self sabotaging? If you have negative thoughts running through your head like ‘I’ll never settle down’; ‘no-one I’ve met so far has been good enough’; or ‘he’s not going to see me again, so why bother trying today’. This type of thinking will affect how you are behaving, and you could get stuck in a cycle of unconsciously ruining dates. Every new date is a new start and should be approached with a positive frame of mind.